Kris Jenner, America Thanks You for Going Platinum, Albeit Too Briefly
October 24, 2017
It was a wig?
Or a fast color job?
Kim Kardashian West was quite correct to post this Instagram photograph of her mother Kris Jenner with freshly platinum blonde hair, with the invitation, “Caption this.”
Because what can anyone say, but “Zowwwieee.”
It is possibly the perfect power-shot of the person who brokered the deal with E! to ensure there will be five more series of Keeping Up with the Kardashians netting the family $150 million (with $15 million earmarked for Jenner as the family’s “momager”).
With one picture, thank you Kris Jenner for making America in this time of perennial crisis and gloom remember that the Kardashians can still command our attention and break the internet, or at least make it bend to their will.
Important note: You don’t need to take your clothes off and balance a glass on your ass to attract millions of eyes, just go blonde and access your inner fierce.
In this picture, which has racked up just over 1.9 million Instagram likes at the time of writing, Kris Jenner is there, sitting proud in what could be a plush Kardashian abode, or a show-home from Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, or the fanciest hair salon in town, looking ready for fashion battle, armed with a glass of something cold and divine.
Yes, she looks like Cruella de Vil. Yes, she looks like a diva. Or a manager who says, “$150 million, or I’m outta here.” There is no defying that hair. Say no to that hair, and turn to dust. (Or at least lose your fight over residuals.)
The hair is early era Jane from Melrose Place, which is to say Jane from Melrose Place’s best hair, and Jenner is accessorizing it with a riotous outfit that shouldn’t work on the principle that it is never a good idea to go head to toe in an outfit covered with roses and leaves and vines and whatevers.
Apparently, Kris Jenner saw that fashion memo and side-eyed the world.
She sports tapered silk trousers with the rose pattern, a long jacket with the pattern, and slung over all of it is a dead polar bear who is just happy to have expired somewhere so fun after falling from a melting ice cap and waking up in Calabasas.
And this outfit is not finished.
Picking up on the red of the roses are a pair of red stiletto boots. There are sunglasses, because who do you think you’re looking at here, really. Bring me my gift and be gone with you. And there’s the big, fancy handbag of course, also the color of blood.
But, sigh, it turns out the blonde hair was a wig, or a fast color job, soon to be reversed. On Tuesday, Jenner was back to her natural brunette when she appeared on CNBC to talk about daughter Kylie Jenner’s cosmetics line, which has turned over $420 million in sales over the last 18 months.
The family, said Jenner, had 800 million followers on social media, and she—as the overlord of it all—must command the kind of personal fortune (at the last estimation, $105 million) that makes the Instagram portrait less theatrical and fun and more sober day-at-the-office.
On CNBC, Jenner was dressed more modestly, the hair was non-remarkable, and there was no polar bear slung over her shoulders.
Never mind America, we will always have that Instagram photo.